You know, most Christians hold to both these seemingly contradictory truths: that we are fully selfish, sinful human people at the same time that we are also, with God’s gracious help, being daily changed and shaped to look more like Jesus as we grow in our faith over time.
I do not think that even the most famous propositional statements of historical Christianity—such as the Nicene Creed, the Apostle’s Creed, and so on—illustrate this very point in as earthy a fashion as does…(drum roll, please….) church signage.
Oh, yes. In church signboards we see the silly and the sublime, the inconsequential and the weighty, the foolish and the eternal. (And if we’re particularly lucky, we get to see both truths exemplified in the same message board’s slogan.)
My husband recently shared this batch of linguistic and theological wonders with me, and they are simply too good to keep to myself. If you feel philosophically-inclined today, go ahead and ponder. On the other hand, reading these may result in a metaphysical struggle of gargantuan proportions: how not to snort coffee out of both nostrils as you read some of these nuggets.
Happy pondering, coffee-snorting, and laughing!
CHURCH SIGNS
— Whoever stole our AC units, keep one: it is hot where you’re going.
— To err is human, to arrrr is pirate
— How do we make holy water? We boil the hell out of it!
— Our Sundays are better than Dairy Queen
— Free Coffee! Everlasting Life! Yes, membership has its privileges
— Read the Bible. It’s user-friendly plus we offer tech support here on Sunday at 10:30am
— Walmart is not the only Saving Place
— Keep using my name in vain and I’ll make rush hour longer – God
— The church is prayer-conditioned. Come join us!
— Church Parking Only! Violators Will Be “Baptized.”
— God > Chuck Norris
— Signmaker on vacation. Come inside for message
— God’s Will is Perfect. People Make MISTEAKS.
— Sunday’s Sermon: “Why Didn’t Noah Swat the Two Mosquitoes?”
— Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons—come hear one.
— Do not criticize your wife’s judgement. See whom she married.
— Wrinkled with burdens? Come to church for a faith-lift.
— Read the Bible—it will scare the hell out of you.
— God answers knee-mail.
— Gardening for God brings peas of mind.
— To prevent sinburn, use sonscreen.
— Prayer: wireless access to God with no roaming fee.
– Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.